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Breathing Alone

The way that you stone cold

Stone cold knocked the breath

From my lungs

With a well placed word

And stepped over my wasting heart

Was that kind of cold

That I fucked you for in the first place

I got no excuse

For these thousand chattering moments

That are, consistent in their mocking

You scraped clean this void

Before blood, iron and you were erased.

Always been my own

A step closer

Closer to finding that sum total of zero

Why don’t you see, the words are small rejections

It is not me, it is you

It is not you, it is me

It is all just another sliver of disgust

30 minutes of mastering domination

With clammy desperation

You are just another dripping disappointment

In a line of disappointments which is perhaps

A little lengthy for good taste.

He scraped me clean, dry, brittle, dust and bone

You sit next to me, all keen curiosity

Me the figment in the gift shop window

I don’t want to be bought, picked up, polished

Placed on your pedestal, pretending

That this is not just loneliness and some

Bad memories spilling out over the sound waves

Each touch is poison in my blood

I miss him in the moments when this all starts

This memory turns to the falling

Cleans him till he leaves me lonely

Paper thin and rising

low tone to town

We rested out of the shade in the cool air

Empty glass filling the space

That had grown between us

My detachment as clear as the air

Your disdain heavy like pollen

Our pallor weak

Gravity pulling on our thoughts

Your problem was never that you

Didn’t love,

Didn’t feel,

Didn’t want,

Didn’t need

My problem was never that I

Didn’t reflect

Didn’t amend

Didn’t give

Didn’t capitulate

There is no blame to lie

Breathe me in.

Notch in my bedspot

Hush Down

I carry you around tonight

Those things I never told you

No matter the lonely hope

Nobody to remind us of humanity

Starting small

We might kiss

In that way people kiss whilst awaiting

Hush down

I did it again

Fucking hatred from pore to bone

I can erase you with one more fuck

Your face a memory which each thrust

Your voice a small sound hidden behind unguarded utterances

I carry you around tonight

Starting small

We might kiss

You aggressive, unremitting

Me persuasive, passive

Dispassionate, center focused

There is always time to spend destroying you

This shadow of you that remains

Hush down

I carry you around tonight

There is an imagery

of shrivelled despair

more familiar than the vacuum

That readily fills the space

you crashed through

Whilst you fed on your spoils

tears turned from you, eyes glare

dulled in our blood and bone

entrance into destruction

of spirit

verse

joy

peace

worth

of this game

your target immortality through

corruption

cynicism

wear

silence

You feed on the spoils

the aftermath in toxic embraces

in driven despair

in pain, pain greater than clarity

scraping at the bruises left

under skin and blood and bones

you took

gorged

fed your fill

small hands at your will

small teeth hidden

the right pace

placid face to the wall

throughout feral glee

impotence

rage

claustrophobic intent

inevitability

Handshot Irony

You have taken up board in my thoughts

for the second time in this lifetime

You were a place to understand my loathing

Not to revisit

With not a fond memory

To take to your grave, sunnier climate than here

You came through the door whispering prose

low key, open to anything

distracting from the fear of destiny

Locate the kill and I will cure the rain

of it’s fleeting grace

I guess this is just an afterthought

You come for me

this is all just the same old shit

You come for me

More beautiful than me

One last tender lie

Somethings never die

This isolation took you first

trigger finger, liberal irony

Cut me into a part of you

The killer in me through you

repentent in regrets

I can play the part

As well as the next person

I can take all of you

Just another in a line of mistakes

You can chip away and

Tumble through this rabbit hole

All you will find is regret

I would bleed for you to see

There’s no desire

For what you hope this may be

For you cannot heal scars

No matter the hope applied.

Something always brings me full circle

Only know I need you

Trying to replicate you

In every glazed look of disinterest

I have your ghost, still remaining

I run to the hills

To somewhere less secure

You always knew which paths I would wander down

And how to find me

We were always rock and roll

You always knew how to find my darkened corners

I only hide for play

For to feel you breath around my neck

Time has taken the words from me 

bodies have filled this space 

nights and bodies have passed through

This memory of you a safe place to land

It never takes to long to bring me back to you

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