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Avert your eyes

Pretend you don’t see

That I am a love poet

I never meant to let you down

I lied

Indulged and fattened with the spite

Dusk and moss covering the cracks

But I don’t want to change

This secret love poet part

That sits patiently waiting for

A long, soothing note

I never meant to let you down

I never mean to let you down

But I breathe for the moments

Those moments of crawling shame

The danger zone of flickered interest

The anticipation of following the hunger

And swallowing the lies

I can wait

I can wait

You don’t know this about me

But my clichéd lines of disinterest are

Hope, embraced, given and scattered

You see my love has eyes

That see through the cynical me to the cynical you

Don’t give me wise words and realistic moments

I am a love poet

Your reasons are another line

In another account

evanesce

Without shame

To drown in freedom of clarity

I am stripped bare of beauty

Charm and interest

A desert of communication

Acrid earth shapes like bile

You fuck and pour your desperation

Are you hoping to quench the thirst?

Or sate your spite

Your fingertips across my skin

Dragging like a cry for care

I can’t answer the question to what makes us tick,

I am sitting here, have been for so long, waiting forever,

Waiting for, please, hold on, waiting for that firing synapsis that ignites the knowledge that this is not it all.

How can you leave without a trace or shadow on life?

The clock ticks and never stops,

Sharing none of itself and I watch you leave over and over,

I am just empty space and you are empty space, and like some existential clarity, none of it matters.

It is three o’clock with wild frozen drops of life

Falling from the trees

I try to control it, to console the rain

The playful sound of you in my rhythm

And I cannot understand how time slipped so quickly

Into memories and reflections on time that escaped

The trap of me

My mind is the closed book

I wanted to be

The road never stops

Lay down beside me

I can’t accept this never slows down

And I can’t stop thinking

The patterns of you frozen over

With time and colour and sanity

I turn my back

Don’t give me hope to hold

I am old and beyond reasons

To be over

To stay in the moment

Breathing Alone

The way that you stone cold

Stone cold knocked the breath

From my lungs

With a well placed word

And stepped over my wasting heart

Was that kind of cold

That I fucked you for in the first place

I got no excuse

For these thousand chattering moments

That are, consistent in their mocking

You scraped clean this void

Before blood, iron and you were erased.

Always been my own

A step closer

Closer to finding that sum total of zero

Why don’t you see, the words are small rejections

It is not me, it is you

It is not you, it is me

It is all just another sliver of disgust

30 minutes of mastering domination

With clammy desperation

You are just another dripping disappointment

In a line of disappointments which is perhaps

A little lengthy for good taste.

He scraped me clean, dry, brittle, dust and bone

You sit next to me, all keen curiosity

Me the figment in the gift shop window

I don’t want to be bought, picked up, polished

Placed on your pedestal, pretending

That this is not just loneliness and some

Bad memories spilling out over the sound waves

Each touch is poison in my blood

I miss him in the moments when this all starts

This memory turns to the falling

Cleans him till he leaves me lonely

Paper thin and rising

low tone to town

We rested out of the shade in the cool air

Empty glass filling the space

That had grown between us

My detachment as clear as the air

Your disdain heavy like pollen

Our pallor weak

Gravity pulling on our thoughts

Your problem was never that you

Didn’t love,

Didn’t feel,

Didn’t want,

Didn’t need

My problem was never that I

Didn’t reflect

Didn’t amend

Didn’t give

Didn’t capitulate

There is no blame to lie

Breathe me in.

Notch in my bedspot

Hush Down

I carry you around tonight

Those things I never told you

No matter the lonely hope

Nobody to remind us of humanity

Starting small

We might kiss

In that way people kiss whilst awaiting

Hush down

I did it again

Fucking hatred from pore to bone

I can erase you with one more fuck

Your face a memory which each thrust

Your voice a small sound hidden behind unguarded utterances

I carry you around tonight

Starting small

We might kiss

You aggressive, unremitting

Me persuasive, passive

Dispassionate, center focused

There is always time to spend destroying you

This shadow of you that remains

Hush down

I carry you around tonight

There is an imagery

of shrivelled despair

more familiar than the vacuum

That readily fills the space

you crashed through

Whilst you fed on your spoils

tears turned from you, eyes glare

dulled in our blood and bone

entrance into destruction

of spirit

verse

joy

peace

worth

of this game

your target immortality through

corruption

cynicism

wear

silence

You feed on the spoils

the aftermath in toxic embraces

in driven despair

in pain, pain greater than clarity

scraping at the bruises left

under skin and blood and bones

you took

gorged

fed your fill

small hands at your will

small teeth hidden

the right pace

placid face to the wall

throughout feral glee

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